OK so I'm sitting at the coffee shop, slightly hungover and entirely tired when Paul starts introducing me to the wonderful world of Emulators. For those who are unfamiliar with these little programs of magic, (and I speak as an expert given my recent 15 minutes of experience with them) you download one, and it lets you play almost any video game from your childhood that you can dream of. Imagine Battle Toads and Mario all over again. I can already feel the ridiculously anti-ergonomic Nintendo controllers digging into my palms as I scream personally at the Kool-Aid-stuck "B" button which, of course, is the only button I need for whatever game I'm currently engrossed in.
After a brief lesson in downloading, I'm soon up and running with my new Nintendo emulator "NESticles." (Not quite as innocent as I remember my old game console being, but lets look beyond that...) Two clicks, and three keystrokes later, I'm
staring at the menu of "Hudson's Adventure Island," but more importantly at a page of my childhood. Suddenly I was no longer presently sitting in the excitement of the coffee shop, but rather I was 7 years old, cross-legged in my parents TV room, reminding myself to blink every once in awhile so as to better be prepared for killer snails and bundles of oh-so-crucial bananas.
Back in reality, I'm reminded of my older sister, and how much she loved this game, given it was one of the only activities she could actually enjoy with her three younger obnoxious brothers... If only she were here now to chime in with tips, hints, and criticisms as only she could provide.
Like riding a bike, I quickly remember all the controls, the strategies, and to my surprise even the secret skateboard-concealing eggs. Even more quickly I remember how easily frustrated one can get with these games, and soon stop playing. Little did I know, I was leading myself into one of the most challenging tests of human patience ever created on this earth or any other:
I would like you to meet MARBLE MADNESS.
The name itself is more fitting than the creators could have ever known. Imagine the most dismal life you could possibly have; you're a round ball in an angled world full of ramps, pitfalls, acid pools, killer vacuums, and rougue black balls not to be mistaken as friends. Their only goal is to make life worse for you, as if that is even possible. In this world, Darwin got slapped in the face. Something went horribly wrong with evolution here. You're a lone mosquito in a room full of angry Minnesotans just trying to enjoy their brats.
Predestined for disaster, you are now expected to transverse this jagged landscape in hopes of reaching the only safe place in town: a flat area between two flags marked "Goal." Given that you're a sphere, and thus have no edges to stop you, navigating is a cumbersome chore. Forget all you're On Demand privileges, stopping and turning are not as simple as Mario had it. In this world Newton reigns supreme. So just try and make it to the Goal. I dare you.
Oh and did I mention you have only 60 seconds to succeed, and if you fail you go back to the first level of the game again? Being a ball isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I think I'll go back to the island, and only worry about my bananas staying ripe. Here's to you sis. :)
After a brief lesson in downloading, I'm soon up and running with my new Nintendo emulator "NESticles." (Not quite as innocent as I remember my old game console being, but lets look beyond that...) Two clicks, and three keystrokes later, I'm
staring at the menu of "Hudson's Adventure Island," but more importantly at a page of my childhood. Suddenly I was no longer presently sitting in the excitement of the coffee shop, but rather I was 7 years old, cross-legged in my parents TV room, reminding myself to blink every once in awhile so as to better be prepared for killer snails and bundles of oh-so-crucial bananas.Back in reality, I'm reminded of my older sister, and how much she loved this game, given it was one of the only activities she could actually enjoy with her three younger obnoxious brothers... If only she were here now to chime in with tips, hints, and criticisms as only she could provide.
Like riding a bike, I quickly remember all the controls, the strategies, and to my surprise even the secret skateboard-concealing eggs. Even more quickly I remember how easily frustrated one can get with these games, and soon stop playing. Little did I know, I was leading myself into one of the most challenging tests of human patience ever created on this earth or any other:
I would like you to meet MARBLE MADNESS.
The name itself is more fitting than the creators could have ever known. Imagine the most dismal life you could possibly have; you're a round ball in an angled world full of ramps, pitfalls, acid pools, killer vacuums, and rougue black balls not to be mistaken as friends. Their only goal is to make life worse for you, as if that is even possible. In this world, Darwin got slapped in the face. Something went horribly wrong with evolution here. You're a lone mosquito in a room full of angry Minnesotans just trying to enjoy their brats.
Predestined for disaster, you are now expected to transverse this jagged landscape in hopes of reaching the only safe place in town: a flat area between two flags marked "Goal." Given that you're a sphere, and thus have no edges to stop you, navigating is a cumbersome chore. Forget all you're On Demand privileges, stopping and turning are not as simple as Mario had it. In this world Newton reigns supreme. So just try and make it to the Goal. I dare you.
Oh and did I mention you have only 60 seconds to succeed, and if you fail you go back to the first level of the game again? Being a ball isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I think I'll go back to the island, and only worry about my bananas staying ripe. Here's to you sis. :)
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